Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Because it's 2009, not 2008.

The outpouring of e-mails/texts can all stop because trivia is NOT based on the 4th of July.

Morgan, reading a message from June 30th, 2008, spread lies.
Today's trivia will be about Michael Jackson. So let's hear THOSE fun facts instead.

(I'm writing this so one day, Morgan can look back on her stupidity and laugh.)

It's Just One of Those Days..

Hm so it's the last day of June. Which scares me a little, but whatevs. Today is just being one of those days. It's just blah. I want to restart it but life goes on! Let's not sweat the small stuff.

I'm going to TRIVIA NIGHT tonight which will probs make life better because I will leave tonight wiser than ever with loads of Fourth of July knowledge! (So if you have any fun facts I should know-leave a comment, or call/text/e-mail me your wisdom)

July is going to be a good month, I can feel it. Good vibes!

Goals for July:
1) See Fireworks!
2) Get to Coney Island!
3) Prove I'm capable of NOT being a pushover.
4) Have at least 5 REALLY good/random stories from our wild nights
5) Figure out how to edit the background of this blog so it's not so plain-help anyone?
6) See a meese (A girl can dream..)

Monday, June 29, 2009

"ce n'est pas de la tarte"

i read this blog called chocolate and zucchini and while it's supposed to be about food, most of the time it's filled with quaint french idiomatic expressions like "ce n'est pas de la tarte" which pretty much seems to be the opposite of our american expression, "it's a piece of cake." i like it a lot better and have decided to incorporate it into my everyday speech. example A of a situation that "ce n'est pas de la tarte" literally just happened to me. as the intern (well technically i just got promoted woo but a story for a different day) my workspace is in the same room with the call center girls. these 3 girls provide an endless amount of entertainment and with them, there is literally never a dull moment. the call center manager as she calls herself (i honestly think she just claimed the title; it was never actually given to her) is possibly the most dramatic person i know whose favorite word is "heated." she gets heated about something every 10 minutes.

anyway, she went on her break and came back 10 minutes early to be herded into the conference room. i walked by (inconspicuously grabbing a soda of course) 3 minutes later and my boss is standing with his arms crossed while she is in her seat, awfully calm for conference room level drama. eventually through a series of texts between the other call center girls, it becomes clear that the "manager" has decided to quit! out of nowhere! the office is topsy-turvy right now dealing with the fall-out and yours truly is currently the only person (untrained at that) manning the phones. i've already significantly screwed up once dealing with holds and transfers. these phones are different from the ones at my other job. ce n'est pas de la tarte!

PostSecret!




I won't leave a long skimble-skamble post today. (That was the word-of-the-day from my widgit)

Just this postsecret because this makes my heart happy.

cry over spilt milk

walking to work this morning, i was crossing 3rd avenue at 50th st when my heart broke for a catering delivery man. he was pushing a trolley laden with 2 milk crates each full of cardboard quarts of milk when one of the wheels got caught on a bump on the road. before he could react, the entire trolley tipped over, dumping all of its contents with a splat! in the middle of 3rd avenue. of course the light was about turn green and the columns of taxi cabs were eagerly revving their engines. the look on this poor man's face was absolutely devastating. a grown man on the verge of tears because a huge chunk of his paycheck just spilled in a new york city street is the fastest way to down my morning glory due to the first phenomenal weekday we've had yet. Pretty much everybody on the street slowed down to look at the disaster and as i passed him, i kind of considered helping, but didn't really know what to do (as if it was rocket science).

One businessman in his full suit immediately bent down and started grabbing the cartons off of the street and putting that back into the crate which left me with the depressing thought of the day. what is it about me that always assumes someone else will help? if i were in the deliveryman's boat, i would be incredibly grateful for any outpouring of sympathy and/or aid so why don't i leap at the opportunity to stockpile a few karma points?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Laugh With Me


I was looking through mean cards just now, (meancards.com) and this card cracked me up. Stick figures are adorbsies.

The inside says, "not me, of course." Bahaha.

If I'm ever ill, I would appreciate this card. Or a milkshake. Or both, just sayin'.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

damn it to hell and a handbag

now i can't even use my more clever phrase wordplaying "bad news bears" (which was going to be "good news gorillas." clearly wiser. i mean who doesn't love a gorilla? mighty joe young, anyone? ) i have an notion to take back my sensei comment due to ami stealing my thunder. OR i could forward this blog to Boss and just let fate do its work, but let's be honest, boss would probably eat this shit up.

i'm currently at work trying to find a "playful" font for the new nametags we're printing up. it only took me 2 hours, 1 phone call and 1 email to a technician to figure out how to use a very basic program. this is clearly what dreams are made of. but fo' serious, this is a lot of pressure. obviously it's a salad joint, so we can't take ourselves too seriously, but on the other hand some of these names are crrrrazy and if the font gets out of control, the nametags will just be completely illegible. as it is, i don't think any customer is really going to refer to their salad topper as "Mr. Dish." after playing hooky for 2 days post a best-friend's 48 hour 21st birthday bash, i clearly have important tasks to accomplish to let my employers know i take my work seriously. at this rate i might just go with webdings3.

Good News Grasshoppers

HA. I win!

I woke up expecting a new post by Morgan but she has failed us all. She did however just call me "sensei" because I am the wisest of them all. Ever.

I feel like I've been saying Bad News Bears about many of my life situations recently, but really, life is super fun.

Top 5 Reasons My Life is Good News Grasshoppers?
1. We got milkshakes last night
2. I got to see many of mis amigos (which means "my friends"-that's for you, Morgan) this weekend. The pre-med kids came out to play, AND I got to see my home friends. Oh and we got to be classy (well SOME of us were classy, cough) and go to Hudson Terrace.
3. Morgan will be joining my boat soon.
4. I got called a sensei.
5. I'm currently working from home. Which means I just woke up. And I get to work from home tomorrow.

Hm, let's all hope Boss never stumbles across this-that would be Bad News Bears.

Bonus 6. I just wrote out every word of *n sync's Pop, and got the words all right. I couldn't be wiser.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Fuck, He Needs Shoes

Morgan and I are twinsies. Why are we twinsies you may ask? It is because I came here JUST now to write about shoes. We've gotten disgustingly good at being *n sync. (HAH)

Boss and I spent the day delivering shoes to a homeless man-Russell. He sits outside of a gym she used to go to and she became oddly fond of him. The last time she saw him he was wearing a pair of shoes that he had cut apart because they were too small. So she asked him if he'd like a new pair-he requested Timbs. So we got him a pair and delivered them to him. (I'm racking up good karma points!) But yes, Boss is super kind and days like these make me love my job.

Oh, and we walked past a movie theater on our way home from being good citizens and Boss decided we should take work breaks to catch the latest summer hits. Life = sweet.

Also, don't you love the clever title? I'm so wise. (It'll make more sense when you read Morgan's post below mine)

fuck me shoes

i like how ami's last post implies there will be a how to of the day, every day. something tells me that's not the case.  

on a completely different note, my parents left today after spending the whole week in nyc. my dad was in town to finalize a huge business deal so we barely saw him and i had to work monday through wednesday. that left very little time for fam bonding; basically just dinners all planned by yours truly. i love having the power to just make reservations at all these restaurants that i really want to try but cannot afford. i call these parent restaurants and they account for about 90% of the restaurants in this city.  monday night we ate at perilla which is harold's (the winner of the first season of top chef) place. it was ridiculously good. tuesday night was girl's night with my mom, aunt and best friend from home at otto. simple, cheap and delicious. wednesday night was out of control phenomenal at eleven madison park. certainly NOT an everyday experience. they even had little hooks the hostess pulled out of her pocket that clipped on the edge of the table to hold your purse. god forbid your louis  touches the ground.  and last night was a low key but wonderful early dinner at scarpetta.  

we were running late after a crazy day. in case you're not from new york and you did not experience the monsoon that was yesterday let me just say i don't think i've ever seen rain that hard for that long, which of course equals no cabs. anywhere. so i traipsed down through the east village to meet my mom for breakfast at clinton st. baking company in the torrents of rain. all was well as soon as i had a cup of coffee and a plate of fluffy blueberry pancakes in front of me. and then owen wilson walked in. perfection.  after, my mom and i spent the wettest day in history at the statue of liberty. she claims she had a near death experience at the top (really the base, but it's the highest you can currently go) which equalled gale-force winds combined with a fear of heights. not a great pairing.  add slick marble and stone surfaces everywhere, grey skies and a terrible view and it was a hoot of day. needless to say we were looking forward to a comfortable plate of scarpetta's delicious spaghetti. 

racing out of the cab, trying to make sure we didn't lose our reservations, i ran into a girl who asked me if i knew where "skirpenita" was. this girl was wearing a scanty black frock, stick straight hair, platform strappy shoes and of course, the requisite blackberry in her left hand.  i probably shot her an extreme look of disdain (i'm not very good at hiding my emotions) asked "you mean scarpetta?" and pointed to the door in front of us. when i was describing the girl to my mom, who just so you know is the nicest, kindest hearted person i know who always sees the good in people, even when they are 100% evil. it takes a lot for her to be mean. anyway she gets this conspiratorial look in her eyes and asks me if i know what she and her friends call those shoes. what, hooker shoes? and she laughed and said, "no, this will probably embarrass you, but we call them (here she lowers her voice) fuck me shoes." whhhhattt??? i didn't even know my mother said the "f" word. what a great way to end the trip.  i guess she's edgier than i give her credit for.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

How to of the Day

I don't actually have a useful "How to" to offer right now. But I made an iGoogle page not too long ago and I now spend my day adding cute widgets to it. (Widgets make me feel like a super cool Mac-owner) Anyway, I have a how-to widget and today's how to?

How to Trim Your Cat's Nails.

Vom. It made me chuckle though because I was going to post about the stupid cat I get stuck spending 8 hours with. EVERYDAY. My boss thinks I'm a Cat Whisperer. He sits on my chair with me as if we're best friends for life. And then he walks all over my laptop, hitting keys, getting in my way, ruining life. Then he chews on the power cord as if it's his meal for the day. And my boss just finds this all so adorable.

In other news, I am turtle-sitting this week. I like to think I'm a Turtle-Whisperer. But I've concluded that turtles are WAY better than cats. I would gladly invite the adorbs (thats short for adorable in case you didn't catch that) little turtle to walk over my laptop. He could sit on my chair with me too if he wanted.

I'll leave you with a tidbit of advice from the how-to..
"Do not use nail clippers or scissors made for humans. It splits the cat's nails."

Gross. My advice would be to just get rid of cats. Get a turtle instead.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

thank god i don't work here





my boss, who shall henceforth be referred to as goldman, just sent me this photo. i love that he has the sense of humor to 1.) not do this to me and 2.) still show me that other people DO do this. let's just say this internship kicks my last internship's ass (i'm sure another day when i'm bored at work i will elaborate on my experiences with the $1 million palatte. no joke.) they chose not to give me a workspace at all. sweet.

welcome

Hi! Holler! Halo!

Welcome to our first post! Just to clarify, we know unridiculous is not a word. But we make up words a lot, so learn to love it. As our About Us pointed out (if you didn’t read that-go do it now), we have super unridiculous lives.

So why we made this blog? Well Morgan has some saying she keeps spitting out, “Lookin’ fine in Summer ‘09”. I don’t even know. But either way, we know this summer is going to be an adventure and we want to share it all with you! You’ll find us amusing, I’m sure of it. And you’ll fall in love with us within a few posts.

So what should you expect us to post about? Hm, well, we’re way random so you’ll always be in for a fun surprise! And since we both look for ways to kill time at work, you should check often because we’ll be posting a lot.

if i (morgan) had to tell you what my favorite activity was, hands down, without a doubt, it would be laughing. i am always up for a new adventure that will lead to a fun story. this might lead to some poor decision making skills, but i'm okay with that. if i'm not going to make mistakes now, when will i? no regrets right? how many cliches do you think i can fit into one short post...i'm pretty confident i can cram them in. hmm, this sounds an awful lot like a personal ad. oh well.

oh and just a warning, i like ellipses (... for all you non english junkies out there) a lot. you've been warned.

I (Ami) am all about wanting a good life story-so I figure I should write these stories down so I can laugh and laugh about them later on. And they’ll be funny, because I’m pretty much hilarious. And I’m a fireball. Call me that to my face one day. I’ll love you for it. Also, I guess I should throw in a warning, you’ll hear (well really you’ll read) of me saying how hot we are. A LOT. I MAY just love saying “it’s because I’m hot” as much as Morgan loves ellipses.

so there you have it. the inner workings of morgan and ami for the world to read. enjoy!